[SimeonÕs Big Adventure]

 

By nw


 

Perhaps it should be stated.

 

As I begin this story I know where it will lead. It is where all stories must lead: it is the end for Simeon, for Obsequious, for Selia, for Sebastien, for myself, for you. There are no surprises here. IÕve always been ham-handed with foreshadowing, and I apologize, I truly do, but as I sit here, with these chemicals coursing through my veins, I cannot help but feel that a basic degree of honesty is in order.

 

Again, I do apologize. I sincerely promise that IÕll attempt to keep the literary devices to a minimum.

 


 

An introduction.

 

The short black car slid through hundreds of miles and a thousand dark fields, its path depressingly clear as it worked it way towards a humble cathedral of bargain halogen lights. It was always the same path, always the same return, always this same stretch back into town. It pulled past hidden off-ramps and turnpikes and broken frontage roads. Tiny filling stations, long disused and forgotten, drifted into the blackness and back into anonymity. There was always the hope of a hitchhiker or a breakdown here: not that youÕd stop for them, but at least it would break up the monotony of the endless shoulder-length agriculture. The engine purred irregularly, and a fine layer of dust sat on the dashboard, the console. The paint was speckled with bits of dirt and bird crap and the fenders were riddled with small scars and gouges from too many parking lots. A mile was a mile was another, and if you didnÕt know the way they would seem pathetically endless.

 

A small aluminum box passed on the right.

 

 

 

 

 

Another.

 

 

 

 

 

Another.

 

 

 

 

One on the left.

 

 

 

Another.

 

 

Another.

 

A steady stream of cheap prefabricated housing, thank god. Civilization was approaching.

 

A few more miles passed and then asphalt gave way to concrete gave way to asphalt, and he was on the bridge. The river glistened invisibly below for a few moments before it was swallowed by an inch of shore and sweet, sweet urbanity. Simeon made an effort to wake up and slow down. He reached the speed limit, let the needle creep up a few miles, and tried to stay focused. The cityÕs financial center slowly panned by to his left. He jumped onto the interchange and headed east. He wasnÕt really thinking about the route, now, he didnÕt need to anymore, and he honestly didnÕt remember the next few miles. He caught his exit, jerking the car down to speed, and made his way under the highway and down a lane of old brick buildings flanked by women strolling with lopsided ostrich gaits laughing with pubescent men filled with poisons. There was a VCR repair shop, a small ethnic restaurant, and a carwash that he had never seen open. Another mile and the people disappeared, the lights grew to a steady skyward white, and sprinklers peppered barren parking lots with wasted water. He pulled into one of those lots, killed the engine, grabbed his luggage, staggered up a flight of stairs, fumbled for his keys, unlocked the door, turned the knob, cursed, fumbled for his keys, unlocked the bolt, turned the knob, cursed, and banged on the door for a full minute until it unlocked itself. He turned the knob, opened the door, muttered something to Selia who muttered something to him, dropped his bags, closed the door, locked the door, locked the bolt, locked the bolt, kicked off his shoes, wriggled out of his clothes, and followed Selia to bed, where they both promptly collapsed.

 

Simeon Cale was home again, and all was well in Lawrence, Kansas.

 


 

The Day Begins.

 

The cylinders in the clock rolled and rolled and rolled and finally hit 2:00 AM.

 

A small motor turned. The latches slowly retracted and the left half of the bed scissored downward, dropping SimeonÕs naked form onto a chilled plate of thin steel. Simeon started away, the cold running through his back. He gasped and coughed, choking for air, desperately trying to catch his wind, writhing around on the plate. For a few moments he retreated instinctively into a fetal ball, rolling back and forth like a pill bug in the hands of a sadistic child, trying to minimize his contact with the metal. He found the part of him that liked it, that felt the bite intimately and welcomed it, feeling the shock and the cool pain, hiding in his minority of pleasure. For a moment that worked, he thought he could feel the plate warming to his hip and belly and shoulder when he shifted an inch and it felt like his flesh was sticking and tearing off his muscle. He yelped and rolled sharply to the left, arm shielding his nipple, and slid onto the cool, forgiving concrete. Simeon staggered to his feet. A chill ran down his spine, shaking his body, and he stumbled around in a small circle for a moment, murmuring incoherently to himself.

 

Simeon looked over at Selia, still lying on her side of the bed in blissful, ignorant slumber. He stood there, heat slowly leeching from his bare feet, staring at her, so innocent and warm. She made a small noise and pulled the thick, soft comforter over her face. He stood and watched for several long moments, his mind slowly trying to digest a mˇlange of questions and dream fragments and recurring disappointment, and turned, and slowly trudged towards the washroom.

 

It was another morning.

 

He made his way to the toilet, dangled his testicles just over the hole and slowly collapsed downward onto it, the paint warming to his butt. A switch flipped and his bladder released itself. He sat for a while, hunched and immobile, emptying into the bowl. When there was no more he reached for a thin washcloth, wiped the urine and sweat from his undercarriage, dropped it into the hole, pulled a lever Š at which the toilet exploded into a roar of activity Š and lumbered up towards the door, which he threw shut with a swipe of his arm.

 

Simeon turned towards the wall now and spent a while staring at his face in the mirror, tasting the sleep in his mouth. He looked at his face for a while, searching around the stubble and cheekbones and nose and eventually, for a moment, could see his eyes. This seemed to ground him in himself, warming his thoughts to the next few steps, making him able to instinctively perform the next act.

 

Simeon turned and shuffled three feet to the right, towards a vertical cylinder in the wall made from cheap semitransparent plastic, grasped the latch, and stepped in. He closed the door behind himself, reached up to manipulate the nozzle in the ceiling directly above him, slid a small level towards the center, and punched a button. A hail of water opened up upon him, instantly drenching him and driving him to his knees with its force. He rolled around in the bottom of the tube for a moment, alternately trying to expose and protect his sensitive areas, gasping as water rolled down his head into his nose and mouth.

 

The water shut off.

 

Simeon hacked a bit for a few moments, coughed up some fluid, and rolled into a sitting position. He blinked twice and opened his eyes wide and reach up and started wiping off his rough scalp, slapping at it with his hands like shammies. He grabbed his face and buried it in those hands, squeezing his cheeks and temples hard between his fingers, kneading his face like old dough, and then slid his hand down and into his legs. He sighed heavily and sat motionless for a few seconds, drinking it in, and pulled himself reluctantly to his feet. He reached for a bottle of mild detergent, squeezed a fistful onto his scalp, and methodically worked it down his body. He rubbed it around his scalp, slid it down the back of his head, up around his ears and onto his forehead. Squeezing his eyes shut he rubbed it down his face, around his nose, into his beard, all around his neck. He paused for moment to wipe the detergent from his eyes, opened them, and was immediately overcome with a terrible burning. He winced and closed his eyes, squeezing them rhythmically to flush the bleach out. After a moment he resumed, skimming handfuls of the stuff off his head and rubbing them through his chest and nipples, over the top of his back, down around his arms, back up his arms where he kneaded it into his pits, down his sides, over the small of his back, across his belly, and down into his crotch. He ran the stuff through his pubes, over his penis, and kneaded his balls. He ran his hands back around his butt and into his crack, using the blade of his hand to work it into the ass hairs, using his fingers to gently clean out the rim of his ass. He felt a low burning sensation, but had more or less grown jaded to it. He worked the detergent down over his thighs, behind his knees, over his shins, between his toes. For some reason he ran his fingernails cursorily across his body. There was a pleasant tingling sensation and, after a moment, an unpleasant tingling sensation. He wiped his hands off on his sides, reached up for the nozzle, pushed the button, and was immediately collapsed back onto his knees by the water.

 

Simeon opened the door, still wiping water from his face, and grabbed an electric blow drier from its hook. He flipped a switch and aimed it at his head, which was immediately hit with a powerful stream of nearly scalding dry air. He winced his eyes shut as he moved it over his face and cringed as it passed his ears. He ran it around his beard for just long enough to smell a hint of singed hair, and moved it across his body, working his way down an erratic semi-spiral towards his penis. He pulled the drier as far as he could while still being effective, making for several long, tense moments before he moved on to his ass. He squeezed one of his cheeks and navigated blindly around his crack with a cautious skill earned by years of experience, and then moved on to his legs. He flipped he switch off, hung the drier back up in its cradle, and emerged from the shower, dry enough that his the residual moisture would evaporate in a few minutes.

 

He made his way over the counter, grabbed a can of mineral oil, rubbed a small amount into his scalp, and reached for his electric buffer. He paused, the small black unit sitting heavy in his hand, and examined his reflection. There was a thin layer of stubble all across his scalp, particularly pronounced in thin dark lines within the creases of his callous. There were countless white bumps hiding tiny ingrown hairs, and a couple of zits were forming. He looked terrible Š after all, he hadnÕt buffed for days.

 

Simeon flipped the switch on the machine, which came to life with a low hum, and set the spinning pad down on the very top of his head. He could immediately feel it, grabbing and pulling and twisting and scraping, and moved it in slow circles all around his skull. He worked his way back towards his neck, down carefully the sides behind his ears, up and over and nearly down onto his brow. He pulled it back and tapped carefully at his eyebrows, polishing the hair cleanly off. Simeon ran his hand over his scalp, making note of the spots heÕd missed, and gave them another quick pass or two. When he was satisfied he switched the machine off, wiped the oil and hair and skin off of it, and set it back on the counter. He examined himself carefully in the mirror, tilting his head back and forward, slowly rolling it from left to right. It was missing something.

 

Simeon slid open a drawer and pulled out a small piece of finishing sandpaper. He paused to make sure his head was at just right angle, and gave the left side of his scalp several sharp, rapid swipes. He rolled his head to the left, switched the paper to his other hand, and swiped the right side of his head three or four times. He rolled his head left and right for a moment, thought for a moment, rolled it to the left, hit himself with two quick swipes, rolled his head back and forth again appraisingly, rolled it to the right, hit himself with one particularly sharp swipe, thought about it for a moment, and set the paper down. He carefully, lovingly wiped the debris from it, rinsed the blood from it, dried it, and returned it to the drawer.

 

He reached into a box sitting on the counter and pulled out a thin, clean washcloth. He ran a bit of water over it, rung it out, swabbed the blood from his head, and set it down. He grabbed another, dabbed the remaining moisture away, and reached for his alum disk, which he dabbed with water and rubbed over his head. It stung as it slid across all the fine abrasions, and stung particularly as it crossed the deep streaks heÕd worn into his temples, and the blood quickly caked into deep, handsome black scabs. He rinsed and dried the disk, returning it, and made a quick, light pass with the dry cloth to pick up any stray white bits of alum. He pulled out a small green bottle of designer acetone and dabbed a bit Š just a bit! Š onto his scalp. He capped the bottle, set it down on the counter, and clapped his hands together. Simeon took a moment to examine himself in the mirror.

 

Not too shabby!

 

As he was leaving the washroom he heard a click and a bang, a terrible scrabbling noise of nails on steel and SeliaÕs pained moaning. He stepped into the bedroom, careful to avoid her flailing limbs, and opened his clothes trunk.

 

Simeon pulled out a cotton pad, which he clenched under his right armpit, and held it tight with a cotton/polyester gauze that he wrapped over and under his shoulder, down across his chest, and tied back onto itself. He pulled out another cotton pad, clenched it in his left armpit, and repeated the process. Selia gasped and let out a small cry.

 

Simeon pulled out a different length of cotton/polyester gauze, thought about it for a moment, and exchanged it for a length of silk/polyester gauze. He was feeling saucy today! He took one end, wrapped it carefully twice around his testicles, ran it between his right testicle and thigh, through and up across his crack, up over his right hip, around his waist, looped it over itself on his back, brought it back down his crack and between his left testicle and thigh, and tied it off on his waist. Selia shifted onto her left side. She shuddered and sucked in a lungful of air as her nipple kissed the smooth surface of the plate.

 

Simeon considered his suits. Today felt formal, and a bit classical, so he went with the dark green. He unfolded it methodically, careful to preserve the creases, and put each piece on as if it were a cherished ritual. Which, frankly, it was. He pulled out a pair of straps, sat down, wrapped them around his feet, cinched them taught, and slid on a pair of ebony loafers with suede ribbing. Finally, Simeon stood and opened another chest to find just the right tie for today. He found a two-tone checkerboard pattern that seemed appropriate and briskly strung it around his throat and over his shoulders. Selia whimpered, crawled onto the cool, forgiving concrete, and let out an involuntary shudder. She lay there for a moment staring off blankly at the wall.

 

Simeon walked out of the bedroom and into the pantry, where he picked out a small package of breakfast cakes, a tube of gel, and a disposable thermos. He opened the tube, squeezed a bit into his mouth, and rubbed it around his gums with his finger. An immediate jolt of energy ran through his system. His digits twitched and he could feel a vein in his neck, and another in his shoulder, throb with a warm vitality, shedding off any last vestiges of fatigue. Yes, it was going to be a good day.

 

Heading back to the bedroom to the bedroom to say goodbye to Selia, he found her staggering down the hall towards the wash room. He smiled at her puffy face and knotted hair.

 

ŅGood morning, bright eyes!Ó

 

ŅWaaash rooooommmmÉÓ

 

He smiled and ran his hand down her naked, unadorned spine in an affectionately perfunctory manner. ŅAlright,Ó he chuckled, Ņhave a good day.Ó

 

Selia made a low gurgling sound, and he kissed her on the cheek, turned, and headed for the door.


 

A few things that might be worth saying.

 

What do I have to say today?

 

I find it incredibly difficult to write this stuff, and here we are, only a few pages into the effort. ItÕs not that I canÕt write anything. Aimless introspection, pointless ramblings about nothing that meander on for pages, congealed thought fragments daisy-chained into an endless moebius-strip circle-jerk Š that, I can do. But to approach a body of thought that must have some integration, some coherence, some internal consistency is almost a Herculean task. ItÕs like doing my taxes or writing thank you notes. ItÕs a killer.

 

IÕve had a little luck by applying a modicum of common sense to this thing. For starters, IÕve actually tried to articulate to myself what it is IÕm to be writing about, how itÕs supposed to go, what I think itÕs all supposed to mean. ThatÕs helped. Not a lot, but itÕs helped. I at least have some idea where IÕm going Š a terribly concrete idea, really Š and that has some use. IÕm still driving in little circles around point A, but I know where Omega is. It would be nice, of course, if I had some idea of the route between them, I thought I had some idea of the route between them, but itÕs turning out to be little more than the notion that I should Ņhead west.Ó Well, thanks.

 

For a while I thought that a quota was the key. A fixed period of time, a fixed number of words. ThatÕs better than nothing, I suppose, but itÕs still remarkably open-ended. ŅHead west, drive five hundred miles a day.Ó Thank you so much.

 

What is becoming increasingly clear to me is that I do not need a goal here so much as I need a purpose. Looking at an odometer is just depressing. On the other hand, I find things go more smoothly if I ask myself before sitting down, ŅWhat do I have to say today?Ó What is important? Or trivial? Or utterly unconnected? What is it that is floating around in my head that I can take and congeal into something tangible and pound into the void? What do I have to get off my chest? Or, more modestly, what will get me through tonight without being utterly disappointed with my efforts? Five hundred miles is a drag, but I can at least make it to the next town.

 

Then you hit a point like this. Nothing. Just nothing. How do you push on through it? YouÕve found yourself in some little ghost town, lost in a web of unmarked broken roads. Congratulations.

 

God, I hate symbolism. I detest it, I really do. ItÕs always seemed to me an empty artificial conceit. Maybe that just makes me sound like some chain-smoking trailerpark refugee. ŅSoy sauce? What in the hell is that crap? You havenÕt been hanging around those chinamen, have you boy? Answer me!Ó Nonetheless, I canÕt stand it. Long ago, back in school, I was asked to read The Old Man in the Sea and to explain the symbolism. I said that Hemingway was talking about international terrorism.

 

I didnÕt get a very high grade on that assignment.

 

I want to cut myself open and bleed on the pages. That all sounds very poetic, I guess, but itÕs really not. I want to take tawdry secrets about myself and put them down here, hide them in plain sight, like a dirty old man standing naked in his window. Somehow, though, IÕm just not tawdry enough. I suppose I could blow off this project, join the navy, and spend all of my income on hookers and the curious local intoxicants that all of my toothless friends are raving about, or I could just bleed lies. I wish that was a tough choice. And thatÕs really how you and I have gotten to this point, isnÕt it? My friend, weÕre suffering from a profound hooker deficiency. Send help.

 

Maybe I should have another cigarette, stand in the night air, take a few sips of my drink, watch the spattered traffic, and consider my options. Consider our options.

 

Oh, god, this is terrible.

 


 

Getting on with itÉ

 

Simeon grabbed his keys, reached the door, and paused. There was a low, staccato clicking noise, which was unmistakably directed at him. Simeon looked up.

 

Just above the door was a bald, wrinkly grey creature, it legs splayed in a star, clinging to the wall like a spider. Its tail flowed in an endless sinuous wave and its ears flicked ceaseless backward and forward. Its yellow eyes focused on Simeon, its rectangular pupils dilating to best view him.

 

ŅHello, Tilapia,Ó Simeon smiled. The creature clicked an acknowledgement and skittered down to head-height. Simeon grabbed a handful of the scruff of its neck and kneaded it firmly with his fingers. Tilapia chattered with contentment.

 

ŅHow are you doing, boy? How are you today?Ó Tilapia clicked and cooed. ŅHowÕs my boy today?Ó Tilapia was lost in bliss.

 

Tilapia was gay, which was understandable, since thatÕs how Simeon had ordered him. Simeon had found that he preferred gay pets. The operation was no more expensive than a neutering, and he felt it was more humane. They tended to be more affectionate towards him and they retained their spunk, so to speak.

 

ŅHow are you? How are you? Aw, thatÕs good. Aw, thatÕs right. WhoÕs my boy? ThatÕs right. ThatÕs right. ThatÕs my boy. HowÕs my boy? ThatÕs right. ThatÕs good. ThatÕs right.Ó

 

Within SimeonÕs grip and his own, Tilapia was rocking his head and body back and forth, writhing every muscle he could under his loose skin, under SimeonÕs fingers.

 

ŅAre you hungry, boy? Are you hungry? LetÕs get you something. LetÕs get you something. Yes, letÕs get you something.Ó

 

Simeon wrapped his hands around Tilapia and pulled him from the door. Tilapia clung tenaciously for a moment, then remembered the prospect of food, and released himself. Simeon held him to his chest, which he immediately attached himself to. Simeon carried him to the kitchen, tugged gently at him until Tilapia remembered to let go, and set him on the floor, which he clung to. Simeon rummaged around in a drawer for pet food.

 

ŅLetÕs seeÉ ŌLamb Heart Ceviche,Õ you had that yesterday, didnÕt you? HmmÉ How does ŌCesos FiestaÕ sound? Yeah? Yeah? ŌCesos Fiesta?Õ Sound good? Sound good? Well, okay then!Ó

 

Of course, it wasnÕt real cesos, and of course Tilapia didnÕt care what flavor he ate, but Simeon enjoyed the ritual, and Tilapia enjoyed hearing the familiar sound of the top being popped off a disposable bowl. He was happier still when it was set in front of him. He nipped and lapped and swallowed contentedly. Simeon rubbed his back briskly for a moment, whispered a few kind words, called out a farewell to Selia, and left.

 

 


 

A morning at the office, as illuminated by a typical email exchange:

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 4:28:06. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

IÕm looking pretty fine today, if I do say so myself. Ladies, beware! =P

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 4:31:42. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

| IÕm looking pretty fine today, if I do say so myself. Ladies, beware! =P

 

Prude.

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 4:34:13. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|| IÕm looking pretty fine today, if I do say so myself. Ladies, beware! =P

|

| Prude.

 

I didn't mean that. I was crazed with power! The power of The Network!

 

 

I'm helpless.

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 4:39:35. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

||| IÕm looking pretty fine today, if I do say so myself. Ladies, beware! =P

||

|| Prude.

|

| I didn't mean that. I was crazed with power! The power of The Network!

|

|

| I'm helpless.

 

I can feel it! I can feel the cosmos!

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 4:43:50. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|||| IÕm looking pretty fine today, if I do say so myself. Ladies, beware! =P

|||

||| Prude.

||

|| I didn't mean that. I was crazed with power! The power of The Network!

||

||

|| I'm helpless.

|

| I can feel it! I can feel the cosmos!

 

I AM NOT PROCRASTINATING.

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 4:52:50. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

||||| IÕm looking pretty fine today, if I do say so myself. Ladies, beware! =P

||||

|||| Prude.

|||

||| I didn't mean that. I was crazed with power! The power of The Network!

|||

|||

||| I'm helpless.

||

|| I can feel it! I can feel the cosmos!

|

|I AM NOT PROCRASTINATING.

 

LIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 4:54:58. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|||||| IÕm looking pretty fine today, if I do say so myself. Ladies, beware! =P

|||||

||||| Prude.

||||

|||| I didn't mean that. I was crazed with power! The power of The Network!

||||

||||

|||| I'm helpless.

|||

||| I can feel it! I can feel the cosmos!

||

||I AM NOT PROCRASTINATING.

|

|LIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I remain unpersuaded.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 5:08:59. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

| I remain unpersuaded.

 

Weak, dude. Weak.

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 5:34:32. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|| I remain unpersuaded.

|

| Weak, dude. Weak.

 

You're the white Ursula Rucker.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 5:35:50. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

||| I remain unpersuaded.

||

|| Weak, dude. Weak.

|

| You're the white Ursula Rucker.

 

Yeah, well you're the white FUCK YOU.

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 5:37:40. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|||| I remain unpersuaded.

|||

||| Weak, dude. Weak.

||

|| You're the white Ursula Rucker.

|

| Yeah, well you're the white FUCK YOU.

 

That... doesn't even make sense.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 5:41:58. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

||||| I remain unpersuaded.

||||

|||| Weak, dude. Weak.

|||

||| You're the white Ursula Rucker.

||

|| Yeah, well you're the white FUCK YOU.

|

| That... doesn't even make sense.

 

How about this, I'll say it slowly: FUCK. YOU.

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 5:47:05. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|||||| I remain unpersuaded.

|||||

||||| Weak, dude. Weak.

||||

|||| You're the white Ursula Rucker.

|||

||| Yeah, well you're the white FUCK YOU.

||

|| That... doesn't even make sense.

|

| How about this, I'll say it slowly: FUCK. YOU.

 

You are the soul of wit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 5:58:31. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

||||||| I remain unpersuaded.

||||||

|||||| Weak, dude. Weak.

|||||

||||| You're the white Ursula Rucker.

||||

|||| Yeah, well you're the white FUCK YOU.

|||

||| That... doesn't even make sense.

||

|| How about this, I'll say it slowly: FUCK. YOU.

|

| You are the soul of wit.

 

Brevity is the soul of wit. I'm the soul of FUCK YOU.

 

 

 

 

P.S.: FUCK YOU.

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 6:11:37. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

| Brevity is the soul of wit. I'm the soul of FUCK YOU.

|

|

|

|

| P.S.: FUCK YOU.

 

Dude, just... just go to hell. Seriously. Seriously, go to hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 6:17:55. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|| Brevity is the soul of wit. I'm the soul of FUCK YOU.

||

||

||

||

|| P.S.: FUCK YOU.

|

| Dude, just... just go to hell. Seriously. Seriously, go to hell.

 

Brilliant. Bravo, oh, bravo! How I want to shower you with roses and a black silken cape!

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Pimpin'

Date: November 11, 2005 6:19:07. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

||| Brevity is the soul of wit. I'm the soul of FUCK YOU.

|||

|||

|||

|||

||| P.S.: FUCK YOU.

||

|| Dude, just... just go to hell. Seriously. Seriously, go to hell.

|

| Brilliant. Bravo, oh, bravo! How I want to shower you with roses and a black silken cape!

 

Guess what? FUCK YOU.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: [hominids] Uncle Ho Chi sez...

Date: November 11, 2005 6:21:28. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

| Guess what? FUCK YOU.

 

VICTORY! Saigon is MINE!

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Uncle Ho Chi sez...

Date: November 11, 2005 6:23:36. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|| Guess what? FUCK YOU.

|

| VICTORY! Saigon is MINE!

 

wtf?

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Uncle Ho Chi sez...

Date: November 11, 2005 6:26:33. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|| Guess what? FUCK YOU.

|

| VICTORY! Saigon is MINE!

 

Wait, don't you mean "Uncle Ho?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Uncle Ho Chi sez...

Date: November 11, 2005 6:28:09. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

||| Guess what? FUCK YOU.

||

|| VICTORY! Saigon is MINE!

|

| Wait, don't you mean "Uncle Ho?"

 

Too easy...

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{geod, panix, wholesale, ice-9}!kroger!barney!ks!mr.cale

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Uncle Ho Chi sez...

Date: November 11, 2005 6:30:11. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

|||| Guess what? FUCK YOU.

|||

||| VICTORY! Saigon is MINE!

||

|| Wait, don't you mean "Uncle Ho?"

|

| Too easy...

 

Whatever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

From: !{splendor, flavor, tggh}!trex!dromiceiomimus!obsequious.j

Subject: Thread: [hominids] Uncle Ho Chi sez...

Date: November 11, 2005 6:39:14. Morning. Central Standardized Zone.

To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

Reply-To: !{vesuvius, splendor, ice-9}!solicious!jupiter!callisto!hominids

 --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

 

||||| Guess what? FUCK YOU.

||||

|||| VICTORY! Saigon is MINE!

|||

||| Wait, don't you mean "Uncle Ho?"

||

|| Too easy...

|

| Whatever.

 

SUFFER, ROUNDEYE!

 

 

~~~~

"All of the true things I am about to tell you are shameless lies." - Bokonon

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Moving on to other thingsÉ

 

 

By any reasonable standard, Simeon had a perfectly comfortable life. He put in a typical twelve-hour day at a job that no one quite understood, his supervisors included, at an organization that no one quite cared about, his supervisors included. His office was a meager one-hour commute outside of town. While his salary wasnÕt remarkable, it was more than enough to keep him in images and amphetamines.

 

He had a woman he enjoyed. She was plain, but beautiful in her own way, and Simeon liked that. She didnÕt have any metal or plastic in her, and she had all of her fingers. Simeon had always found typical women to be more trouble than they were worth, and not-so-secretly thrilled at his womanÕs casual, earthy allure.

 

He had three friends that he would sometimes meet with after work for eight-balls and smoking and to leer at women, a perfectly respectable social life.

 

He led an active life. He walked recreationally. He enjoyed several different genres. He hand-rolled his own marijuana cigarettes. His slang was current. HeÕd watch news headlines sometimes several times a week. He was a member in good standing of a bulk goods wholesaler. On occasion, heÕd read.

 

He wasnÕt even gay.

 

By any objective measure, Simeon should have been happy. Mind you, he wasnÕt miserable: heÕd be the first to acknowledge that he was comfortable, and that that comfort went quite a long way. Still, something was missing.

 

 

[blah blah blah]

 

 

Something was lacking from his life.

 

 

 


 

 

More still!

 

Well, now, where have we gotten ourselves? IÕd say weÕve adequately established the loose parameters around SimeonÕs life. We have a passable sense of the narrow slice of the world that surrounds him, we sense its character and the dynamics that underlie it. Of course while SimeonÕs life is hopeless a result of his world, itÕs not necessarily characteristic of it. Rather, itÕs simply a characteristic of it, and one might read this and miss the all of the grand variety that exists. We could explore the lives of farmers, of fishers, of men who slice meat. We could explore marketing, money, politics. What of people in other countries? Those who starve, the handful of gluttons who put Simeon and his people to shame? War? Diplomacy? Adolescence? Disease? Prison? Hard labor?


So much to say, so very much to say.

 

But this isnÕt really that sort of story, is it? This is SimeonÕs story, and SimeonÕs story may be many things, but a sweeping epic it is not. It is a small story of a small life which is, of course, powerfully significant to one person, and of some significance to a handful of others. Please do not misread me. I mean nothing demeaning or patronizing or quaint by that observation. That scale, that scope is as characteristic of SimeonÕs life as it is of many, many, many others; perhaps all of them. It almost seems, and forgive me if this sounds nihilistic or self-defeating, that the extent to which you influence the lives of others simply cannot belong to you, you must surrender that aspect of yourself to those that you touch. The broader your impact, the thinner your life becomes.

 

Then again, maybe thatÕs an over-intellectualization. Frankly, maybe thatÕs just bullshit. You and I both know that there is no shortage of rich fuckers who are happy to open or close businesses that employ thousands, to build or destroy economies of towns and states and nations, who think nothing of sending the poor and patriotic off to die, and who are motivated in all of these things by little more than enlightened self-interest. Perhaps some lives simply are more important than others, and no amount of philosophizing about who ŅownsÓ their life will really change that base fact.

 

Well, whatever.

 

All of that aside, weÕre simply talking about Simeon. What remains to be said? We could explore a typical day at the office for him Š more than we have, anyway Š but IÕll be honest: thatÕs got to be incredibly boring. Frankly, IÕm bored just thinking about it. I imagine there would be a great deal of repetition of things which are, more or less by their nature, simply unamusing. I could try to sex it up, maybe throw in an accident with a binding device or a few gags with some sort of inter-office messaging system, but why? Seriously, why would I want to do that? I donÕt want to like SimeonÕs job. I donÕt want to like it, and I honestly doubt that you do, either. I mean, SimeonÕs not even thrilled with it Š heÕs comfortable with it, but he wouldnÕt bother to explain it in more than two or three sentences. His couch is comfortable, too, but IÕm not going to write a novel about that.

 

ItÕs worth noting that we just passed word #6,660. That position may change by the time this is all edited and expanded or prunted and reformatted or simply forgotten, but I feel itÕs significant within the history of the project. 6,660 is, after all, divisible by 10. It utterly trembles with potency.

 

 

Anyway, what were we talking about? His job? Oh, yes, SimeonÕs job. How would an entire chapter about his job benefit either of us? How would it benefit anyone? Seriously, seriously, how? Why in godÕs name would anyone want to read that? Why would anyone want to write it?

 

So, something else, then.

 

We havenÕt really investigated his interpersonal relations, now, have we? Yes, yes, thereÕs room for that. ThereÕs something to be said there.

 

 

As an aside: There are few things more powerful than repetition. If something seems impossible, just do it and it will get smaller. Keep doing it and it will shrink and shrink and shrink. Repetition transmogrifies perception. I suppose thatÕs why some people keep chasing new challenges: given time, their mastery might otherwise turn to comfort.

 

 

 


 

 

SimeonÕs interpersonal relations: an example.

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

An interlude

 

A taxi pulled into the middle of an empty lot. It parked and shut off its lights. A small light went on inside the cabin.

 

A while passed.

 

A taxi pulled into the middle of the empty lot. It parked next to the other cab, and shut off its lights. The cabin light of the first taxi went off. They rolled down their windows, and sat.

 

A while passed.

 

Across the street, Simeon stepped out onto his balcony, shivered in the frigid air, pulled his coat tight, and sat in the nearer chair. He opened up a fresh pack of Jamaican Gold marijuana cigarettes, drew one out, and lit up. He took a deep breath, held it for a moment, exhaled a small, sticky white cloud, and relaxed into his seat.

 

He sat there a few moments, just staring off into space, thinking nothing, seeing nothing, and then he noticed a star, and remembered where he was. He watched a handful of tiny flashing dots slowly cutting a thin invisible line towards the airport. There was information encoded in that, and for a moment, Simeon wondered what it was. He watched the lights for a while, and then noticed the star again. It twinkled slightly against its halo, again the rich oranged-blue of the night sky. He searched the sky for other stars, and found two.

 

In the night around him, the city opened up and under and over him in flowing waves of rooftops and balconies and darkened windows and radio dishes. Street lights and shop signs rolled endlessly beneath him, dotted with scattered, anemic trees, rippled with power lines, cresting with illuminated billboards, undulating by zoning restrictions, by economics, by history, by fashion. SimeonÕs corner of this was neither old nor rich nor fashionable, and traffic was sparse around here this late at night. He sat for a time, slowly going through cigarette after cigarette, watching a handful of cars trickle irregularly down the streets like little glistening rivulets of rain. His let his mind wander to think of thin, rambling slices of everything, to think of nothing in particular, shaking softly all the while. And then, once the fingers of his smoking hand had gone comfortably numb from the cold, and his mind and shoulders and back had grown sufficiently soft and pliant, he put the pack and his lighter back into his pocket, found his feet, and went inside to sleep.

 

A while passed.

 

The first taxi rolled up its window, started its engine, turned on its lights, and drove off.

 

A moment passed.

 

The second taxi rolled up its window, started its engine, turned on its lights, and drove off in the other direction.

 

 

 

 

 


 

SimeonÕs 500+-Question Network Personality Questionnaire

 

 

1.       I consider myself to be kind:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

2.       I consider myself to be happy: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

3.       I consider myself to be unique:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

4.       I consider myself to be fashionable:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

5.       I consider myself to be relaxed:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

6.       I consider myself to be original:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

7.       I consider myself to be inquisitive:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

8.       I consider myself to be realistic:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

9.       I consider myself to be cruel: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

10.   I consider myself to be curious:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

11.   I consider myself to be worrisome:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

12.   I consider myself to be studious:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

13.   I consider myself to be efficient:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

14.   I consider myself to be rude:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

15.   I consider myself to be difficult:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

16.   I consider myself to be conformist:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

17.   I consider myself to be reflective:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

18.   I consider myself to be intelligent:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

19.   I consider myself to be individualistic:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

20.   I consider myself to be someone who finds faults with myself: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

21.   I consider myself to be someone who finds faults with others: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

22.   I consider myself to be stylish:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

23.   I consider myself to be someone who questions authority:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

24.   I consider myself to be redundant:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

25.   I consider myself to be obsequious:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

26.   I consider myself to be basically good:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

27.   I consider myself to be calm:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

28.   I consider myself to be inefficient:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

29.   I consider myself to be serene:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

30.   I consider myself to be someone with an active imagination:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

31.   I consider myself to be evil:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

32.   I consider myself to be somewhat careless:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

33.   I consider myself to be tense: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

34.   I consider myself to be assertive:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

35.   I consider myself to be trusting:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

36.   I consider myself to be shy:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

37.   I consider myself to be wasteful:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

38.   I consider myself to be nice:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

39.   I consider myself to be passive:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

40.   I consider myself to be introspective: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

41.   I consider myself to be ŅgothicÓ:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

42.   I consider myself to be terse: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

43.   I consider myself to be someone with an overactive imagination:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

44.   I consider myself to be nice, once you get to know me:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

45.   I consider myself to be energetic:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

46.   I consider myself to be slovenly:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

47.   I consider myself to be angry: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

48.   I consider myself to be disorganized:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

49.   I consider myself to be a gourmet:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

50.   I consider myself to be artistic:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

51.   I consider myself to be complicit:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

52.   I consider myself to be outgoing:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

53.   I consider myself to be passive-assertive:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

54.   I consider myself to be a jerk:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

55.   I consider myself to be giving:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

56.   I consider myself to be gay:    Disagree 1[x] 2[] 3[] 4[] 5[] Agree

57.   I consider myself to be sadistic:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

58.   I consider myself to be withdrawn:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

59.   I consider myself to be inhibited:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

60.   I consider myself to be gibbering:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

61.   I consider myself to be contagious:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

62.   I consider myself to be Ņproto-punkÓ:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

63.   I consider myself to be a jerk, once you get to know me:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

64.   I consider myself to be organized:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

65.   I consider myself to be ŅwordyÓ:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

66.   I consider myself to be aesthetically-inclined:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

67.   I consider myself to be aggressive:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

68.   I consider myself to be a creature of habit:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

69.   I consider myself to be nervous:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

70.   I consider myself to be passive-aggressive:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

71.   I consider myself to be brooding:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

72.   I consider myself to be culinary:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

73.   I consider myself to be a dick:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

74.   I consider myself to be considerate:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

75.   I consider myself to be spontaneous:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

76.   I consider myself to be someone who is set in my ways:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

77.   I consider myself to be ugly Ņon the outsideÓ: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

78.   I consider myself to be lazy:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

79.   I consider myself to be a Ņlittle bit countryÓ:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

80.   I consider myself to be basically careless:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

81.   I consider myself to be organized about things that matter:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

82.   I consider myself to be helpful:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

83.   I consider myself to be a ŅfoodieÓ:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

84.   I consider myself to be adaptable:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

85.   I consider myself to be a ŅsuckerÓ:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

86.   I consider myself to be basically rotten:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

87.   I consider myself to be desperately addicted to routine:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

88.   I consider myself to be scarred for life:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

89.   I consider myself to be a Ņlittle bit rock-and-rollÓ: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

90.   I consider myself to be vivacious:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

91.   I consider myself to be a walking-disaster:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

92.   I consider myself to be someone who tends to offer encouragement to others:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

93.   I consider myself to be arrogant:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

94.   I consider myself to be petulant:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

95.   I consider myself to be agreeable:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

96.   I consider myself to be ŅcontagiousÓ:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

97.   I consider myself to be festering:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

98.   I consider myself to be a bitch:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

99.   I consider myself to be thorough:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

100.                           I consider myself to be someone who Ņfeels the darknessÓ:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

101.                           I consider myself to be a gourmand:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

102.                           I consider myself to be selfish:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

103.                           I consider myself to be Ņpr0n-liciousÓ:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

104.                           I consider myself to be someone with a strong sense of identity:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

105.                           I consider myself to be contrary:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

106.                           I consider myself to be disdainful:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

107.                           I consider myself to be stable:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

108.                           I consider myself to be dependable:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

109.                           I consider myself to be a slut:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

110.                           I consider myself to be distrusting:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

111.                           I consider myself to be moody: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

112.                           I consider myself to be emotionally stable:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

113.                           I consider myself to be ŅcoldÓ:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

114.                           I consider myself to be forgiving:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

115.                           I consider myself to be a walking train-wreck: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

116.                           I consider myself to be deep:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

117.                           I consider myself to be masculine:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

118.                           I consider myself to be queer: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

119.                           I consider myself to be disorganized about things that matter:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

120.                           I consider myself to be open:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

121.                           I consider myself to be a whore:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

122.                           I consider myself to be damning:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

123.                           I consider myself to be ugly Ņon the insideÓ:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

124.                           I consider myself to be basically worthless:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

125.                           I consider myself to be fearful:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

126.                           I consider myself to be a good worker: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

127.                           I consider myself to be someone who perseveres:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

128.                           I consider myself to be redundant:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

129.                           I consider myself to be Ņon fireÓ:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

130.                           I consider myself to be ingenuous:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

131.                           I consider myself to be courageous:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

132.                           I consider myself to be aloof: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

133.                           I consider myself to be emotionally unstable:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

134.                           I consider myself to be inventive:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

135.                           I consider myself to be promising:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

136.                           I consider myself to be someone who will persevere in the end:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

137.                           I consider myself to be disquiet:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

138.                           I consider myself to be someone who does not keep promises:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

139.                           I consider myself to be shallow:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

140.                           I consider myself to be feminine:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

141.                           I consider myself to be a man-slut:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

142.                           I consider myself to be someone who degrades the efforts of others on their own merits:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

143.                           I consider myself to be wasted:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

144.                           I consider myself to be doomed:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

145.                           I consider myself to be blue:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

146.                           I consider myself to be ŅwarmÓ:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

147.                           I consider myself to be quiet: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

148.                           I consider myself to be a ticking timebomb:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

149.                           I consider myself to be someone who is:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

150.                           I consider myself to be reserved:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

151.                           I consider myself to be drained:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

152.                           I consider myself to be a man-whore:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

153.                           I consider myself to be open to new experiences:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

154.                           I consider myself to be ŅemoÓ: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

155.                           I consider myself to be set in my ways:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

156.                           I consider myself to be ŅandrogynousÓ: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

157.                           I consider myself to be redundant:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

158.                           I consider myself to be loud:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

159.                           I consider myself to be pompous:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

160.                           I consider myself to be adventurous:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

161.                           I consider myself to be homosexual:     Disagree 1[x] 2[] 3[] 4[] 5[] Agree

162.                           I consider myself to be deceitful:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

163.                           I consider myself to be angry, so very, very angry!:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

164.                           I consider myself to be broken:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

165.                           I consider myself to be spent: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

166.                           I consider myself to be ŅfunÓ: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

167.                           I consider myself to be an asshole:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

168.                           I consider myself to be fearless:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

169.                           I consider myself to be someone who degrades the efforts of others for ŅfunÓ:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

170.                           I consider myself to be biding my time:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

171.                           I consider myself to be expended:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

172.                           I consider myself to be Ņa seekerÓ:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

173.                           I consider myself to be a Ņteam playerÓ:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

174.                           I consider myself to be flavorful:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

175.                           I consider myself to be tired: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

176.                           I consider myself to be morally bankrupt:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

177.                           I consider myself to be morally tax-exempt:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

178.                           I consider myself to be a tease:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

179.                           I consider myself to be enthralled:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

180.                           I consider myself to be programmed:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

181.                           I consider myself to be deprogrammed:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

182.                           I consider myself to be attached:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

183.                           I consider myself to be detached:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

184.                           I consider myself to be opinionated:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

185.                           I consider myself to be someone with good oral hygiene:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

186.                           I consider myself to be someone who could have better oral hygiene:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

187.                           I consider myself to be someone who cares about oral hygiene: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

188.                           I consider myself to be someone who does not care about the opinions of others: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

189.                           I consider myself to be someone who cares about the opinions of others:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

190.                           I consider myself to be Arian: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

191.                           I consider myself to be Thuringian:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

192.                           I consider myself to be tone-deaf:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

193.                           I consider myself to be "toothy":        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

194.                           I consider myself to be trifling:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

195.                           I consider myself to be trim:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

196.                           I consider myself to be trusted:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

197.                           I consider myself to be unabraded:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

198.                           I consider myself to be newsworthy:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

199.                           I consider myself to be sanctioned:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

200.                           I consider myself to be traditional:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

201.                           I consider myself to be untraditional: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

202.                           I consider myself to be "edgy":           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

203.                           I consider myself to be tactful:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

204.                           I consider myself to be understandable:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

205.                           I consider myself to be unwanted:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

206.                           I consider myself to be unnameable:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

207.                           I consider myself to be unacknowledged:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

208.                           I consider myself to be assimilated:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

209.                           I consider myself to be baptized:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

210.                           I consider myself to be callous:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

211.                           I consider myself to be unclear:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

212.                           I consider myself to be clichˇd:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

213.                           I consider myself to be uncredentialed:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

214.                           I consider myself to be forthcoming:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

215.                           I consider myself to be unintelligible:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

216.                           I consider myself to be heroic:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

217.                           I consider myself to be unrealized:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

218.                           I consider myself to be inexplicable:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

219.                           I consider myself to be enterprising:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

220.                           I consider myself to be unenviable:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

221.                           I consider myself to be enviable:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

222.                           I consider myself to be knowledgeable: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

223.                           I consider myself to be defenestrated: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

224.                           I consider myself to be unheeded:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

225.                           I consider myself to be inert: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

226.                           I consider myself to be ostentatious:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

227.                           I consider myself to be redundant:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

228.                           I consider myself to be informed:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

229.                           I consider myself to be current:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

230.                           I consider myself to be "unsalted":     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

231.                           I consider myself to be unreliable:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

232.                           I consider myself to be unrepentant:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

233.                           I consider myself to be repentant:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

234.                           I consider myself to be a "nerd":        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

235.                           I consider myself to be a "geek":        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

236.                           I consider myself to be an "employee": Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

237.                           I consider myself to be traveled:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

238.                           I consider myself to be worldly:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

239.                           I consider myself to be unusual:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

240.                           I consider myself to be usual: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

241.                           I consider myself to be sterile:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

242.                           I consider myself to be frivolous:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

243.                           I consider myself to be exotic:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

244.                           I consider myself to be sharp: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

245.                           I consider myself to be showy: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

246.                           I consider myself to be sinewy:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

247.                           I consider myself to be scrupulous:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

248.                           I consider myself to be ethical:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

249.                           I consider myself to be inimitable:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

250.                           I consider myself to be genteel:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

251.                           I consider myself to be unlamented:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

252.                           I consider myself to be industrious:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

253.                           I consider myself to be "authentic":    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

254.                           I consider myself to be censured:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

255.                           I consider myself to be embarrassed:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

256.                           I consider myself to be embarrassing:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

257.                           I consider myself to be unawakened:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

258.                           I consider myself to be awakened:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

259.                           I consider myself to be apologetic:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

260.                           I consider myself to be an apologist:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

261.                           I consider myself to be bureaucratic:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

262.                           I consider myself to be rankled:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

263.                           I consider myself to be "ironic":        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

264.                           I consider myself to be sarcastic:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

265.                           I consider myself to be biting:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

266.                           I consider myself to be scathing:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

267.                           I consider myself to be cloying:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

268.                           I consider myself to be neurotic:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

269.                           I consider myself to be obsessive:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

270.                           I consider myself to be compulsive:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

271.                           I consider myself to be chauvinistic:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

272.                           I consider myself to be a "feminist":  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

273.                           I consider myself to be relieved:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

274.                           I consider myself to be contrived:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

275.                           I consider myself to be convoluted:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

276.                           I consider myself to be credulous:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

277.                           I consider myself to be incredulous:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

278.                           I consider myself to be jaded: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

279.                           I consider myself to be disjointed:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

280.                           I consider myself to be cynical:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

281.                           I consider myself to be expurgated:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

282.                           I consider myself to be exsanguinated: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

283.                           I consider myself to be exposed:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

284.                           I consider myself to be preening:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

285.                           I consider myself to be ready: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

286.                           I consider myself to be reformed:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

287.                           I consider myself to be free to make my own decisions:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

288.                           I consider myself to be a slave to my conditions:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

289.                           I consider myself to be a slave to my decisions:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

290.                           I consider myself to be robotic:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

291.                           I consider myself to be revolutionary: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

292.                           I consider myself to be fresh: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

293.                           I consider myself to be flavorful:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

294.                           I consider myself to be fleshy:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

295.                           I consider myself to be corpulent:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

296.                           I consider myself to be pungent:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

297.                           I consider myself to be amiable:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

298.                           I consider myself to be ambulatory:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

299.                           I consider myself to be redundant:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

300.                           I consider myself to be occupied:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

301.                           I consider myself to be party to murder:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

302.                           I consider myself to be parsimonious:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

303.                           I consider myself to be prurient:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

304.                           I consider myself to be untraveled:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

305.                           I consider myself to be particular:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

306.                           I consider myself to be musical:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

307.                           I consider myself to be rhythmic:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

308.                           I consider myself to be ruthless:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

309.                           I consider myself to be remedial:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

310.                           I consider myself to be deathly pale:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

311.                           I consider myself to be pallid:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

312.                           I consider myself to be bisexual:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

313.                           I consider myself to be ambiguous:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

314.                           I consider myself to be challenging:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

315.                           I consider myself to be challenged:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

316.                           I consider myself to be autistic:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

317.                           I consider myself to be ADHD:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

318.                           I consider myself to be disenfranchised:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

319.                           I consider myself to be felicitous:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

320.                           I consider myself to be old:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

321.                           I consider myself to be young: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

322.                           I consider myself to be mature:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

323.                           I consider myself to be immature:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

324.                           I consider myself to be gibbous:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

325.                           I consider myself to be a grotesque mockery:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

326.                           I consider myself to be fallen:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

327.                           I consider myself to be hormonal:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

328.                           I consider myself to be cyclical:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

329.                           I consider myself to be asymmetric:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

330.                           I consider myself to be homogenous:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

331.                           I consider myself to be a hypochondriac:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

332.                           I consider myself to be hypnagogic:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

333.                           I consider myself to be an ingˇnue:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

334.                           I consider myself to be desirable:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

335.                           I consider myself to be an addictive personality:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

336.                           I consider myself to be free:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

337.                           I consider myself to be limited:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

338.                           I consider myself to be vociferous:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

339.                           I consider myself to be nimble:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

340.                           I consider myself to be wise:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

341.                           I consider myself to be proud: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

342.                           I consider myself to be straight:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[] 4[] 5[x] Agree

343.                           I consider myself to be greedy:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

344.                           I consider myself to be vengeful:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

345.                           I consider myself to be wronged:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

346.                           I consider myself to be pressured:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

347.                           I consider myself to be tawdry:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

348.                           I consider myself to be successful:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

349.                           I consider myself to be a failure:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

350.                           I consider myself to be culturally adept:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

351.                           I consider myself to be culturally inept:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

352.                           I consider myself to be "wired":         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

353.                           I consider myself to be compassionate: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

354.                           I consider myself to be empathic:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

355.                           I consider myself to be sympathetic:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

356.                           I consider myself to be suicidal:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

357.                           I consider myself to be sophomoric:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

358.                           I consider myself to be a member of the establishment:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

359.                           I consider myself to be exceptional:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

360.                           I consider myself to be above-average: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

361.                           I consider myself to be special:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

362.                           I consider myself to be smarter than most others:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

363.                           I consider myself to be human: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

364.                           I consider myself to be one with the universe: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

365.                           I consider myself to be enlightened:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

366.                           I consider myself to be foolish:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

367.                           I consider myself to be worthy:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

368.                           I consider myself to be unworthy:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

369.                           I consider myself to be naked: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

370.                           I consider myself to be hairy: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

371.                           I consider myself to be redundant:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

372.                           I consider myself to be alien: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

373.                           I consider myself to be alienated:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

374.                           I consider myself to be alienating:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

375.                           I consider myself to be two-faced:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

376.                           I consider myself to be honest:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

377.                           I consider myself to be straightforward:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

378.                           I consider myself to be docile:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

379.                           I consider myself to be domesticated:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

380.                           I consider myself to be feral: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

381.                           I consider myself to be mortal:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

382.                           I consider myself to be immortal:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

383.                           I consider myself to be potent:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

384.                           I consider myself to be impotent:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

385.                           I consider myself to be omnipotent:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

386.                           I consider myself to be pusillanimous: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

387.                           I consider myself to be innocuous:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

388.                           I consider myself to be inoculated:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

389.                           I consider myself to be shapely:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

390.                           I consider myself to be synthetic:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

391.                           I consider myself to be more machine than (wo)man:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

392.                           I consider myself to be innovative:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

393.                           I consider myself to be grounded:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

394.                           I consider myself to be centered:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

395.                           I consider myself to be dualistic:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

396.                           I consider myself to be wealthy:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

397.                           I consider myself to be poor:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

398.                           I consider myself to be indigent:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

399.                           I consider myself to be respectable:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

400.                           I consider myself to be a sham:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

401.                           I consider myself to be monogamous:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

402.                           I consider myself to be serially monogamous:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

403.                           I consider myself to be occidental:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

404.                           I consider myself to be contemplative: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

405.                           I consider myself to be scientific:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

406.                           I consider myself to be rational:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

407.                           I consider myself to be superstitious: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

408.                           I consider myself to be impressionable:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

409.                           I consider myself to be impressionistic:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

410.                           I consider myself to be expressive:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

411.                           I consider myself to be expressionistic:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

412.                           I consider myself to be "existential": Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

413.                           I consider myself to be thrown:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

414.                           I consider myself to be skeptical:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

415.                           I consider myself to be bulimic:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

416.                           I consider myself to be anorexic:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

417.                           I consider myself to be masochistic:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

418.                           I consider myself to be gleeful:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

419.                           I consider myself to be an excellent driver:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

420.                           I consider myself to be a terrible driver:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

421.                           I consider myself to be strident:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

422.                           I consider myself to be xenophobic:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

423.                           I consider myself to be tribal:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

424.                           I consider myself to be tribalistic:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

425.                           I consider myself to be patriotic:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

426.                           I consider myself to be patronizing:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

427.                           I consider myself to be a willing fascist stooge:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

428.                           I consider myself to be a worker-priest:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

429.                           I consider myself to be a warmonger:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

430.                           I consider myself to be carnivorous:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

431.                           I consider myself to be herbivorous:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

432.                           I consider myself to be omnivorous:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

433.                           I consider myself to be picky: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

434.                           I consider myself to be a philosophical zombie:          Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

435.                           I consider myself to be a zoophilic:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

436.                           I consider myself to be pessimistic:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

437.                           I consider myself to be a Zoroastrian: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

438.                           I consider myself to be a Mithraist:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

439.                           I consider myself to be peckish:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

440.                           I consider myself to be desiccated:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

441.                           I consider myself to be dehydrated:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

442.                           I consider myself to be joyful:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

443.                           I consider myself to be germane:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

444.                           I consider myself to be urbane:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

445.                           I consider myself to be redundant:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

446.                           I consider myself to be witty: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

447.                           I consider myself to be moist: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

448.                           I consider myself to be talented:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

449.                           I consider myself to be an emotional derelict: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

450.                           I consider myself to be a "communist": Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

451.                           I consider myself to be faithful:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

452.                           I consider myself to be devoted:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

453.                           I consider myself to be scheming:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

454.                           I consider myself to be conniving:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

455.                           I consider myself to be guileless:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

456.                           I consider myself to be political:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

457.                           I consider myself to be community-minded:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

458.                           I consider myself to be isolated:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

459.                           I consider myself to be isolationist:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

460.                           I consider myself to be a dreamer:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

461.                           I consider myself to be a sell-out:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

462.                           I consider myself to be Chinese:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

463.                           I consider myself to be exasperated:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

464.                           I consider myself to be exonerated:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

465.                           I consider myself to be bipedal:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

466.                           I consider myself to be loved: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

467.                           I consider myself to be loving:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

468.                           I consider myself to be unbiased:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

469.                           I consider myself to be anemic:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

470.                           I consider myself to be healthy:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

471.                           I consider myself to be ill:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

472.                           I consider myself to be idealistic:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

473.                           I consider myself to be optimistic:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

474.                           I consider myself to be overbearing:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

475.                           I consider myself to be cooperative:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

476.                           I consider myself to be disingenuous:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

477.                           I consider myself to be religious:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

478.                           I consider myself to be spiritual:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

479.                           I consider myself to be "nutty":         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

480.                           I consider myself to be desperate:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

481.                           I consider myself to be melodramatic:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

482.                           I consider myself to be preposterous:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

483.                           I consider myself to be absurd:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

484.                           I consider myself to be socially liberal:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

485.                           I consider myself to be socially conservative: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

486.                           I consider myself to be economically liberal:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

487.                           I consider myself to be economically conservative:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

488.                           I consider myself to be sophisticated artistically:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

489.                           I consider myself to be sophisticated technically:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

490.                           I consider myself to be distractible:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

491.                           I consider myself to be engaged:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

492.                           I consider myself to be politically engaged:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

493.                           I consider myself to be someone with high self-esteem:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

494.                           I consider myself to be someone with low self-esteem: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

495.                           I consider myself to be complex:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

496.                           I consider myself to be simple:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

497.                           I consider myself to be focused:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

498.                           I consider myself to be driven:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

499.                           I consider myself to be messed up:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

500.                           I consider myself to be playful:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

501.                           I consider myself to be thoughtful:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

502.                           I consider myself to be a heavy drinker:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

503.                           I consider myself to be a teetotaler:  Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

504.                           I consider myself to be stupid:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

505.                           I consider myself to be persistent:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

506.                           I consider myself to be stubborn:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

507.                           I consider myself to be clueless:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

508.                           I consider myself to be perceptive:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

509.                           I consider myself to be seething with a quiet rage:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

510.                           I consider myself to be duplicitous:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

511.                           I consider myself to be dubious:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

512.                           I consider myself to be a social drinker:       Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

513.                           I consider myself to be a drunk:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

514.                           I consider myself to be a stoner:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

515.                           I consider myself to be a lush:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

516.                           I consider myself to be a prude:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

517.                           I consider myself to be adventurous:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

518.                           I consider myself to be timid: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

519.                           I consider myself to be redundant:      Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

520.                           I consider myself to be snarky:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

521.                           I consider myself to be wistful:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

522.                           I consider myself to be fed up with this crap: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

523.                           I consider myself to be crude: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

524.                           I consider myself to be vulgar:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

525.                           I consider myself to be overweight:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

526.                           I consider myself to be thin:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

527.                           I consider myself to be athletic:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

528.                           I consider myself to be svelte:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

529.                           I consider myself to be bored: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

530.                           I consider myself to be boring:           Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

531.                           I consider myself to be the life of the party: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

532.                           I consider myself to be nondescript:    Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

533.                           I consider myself to be bookish:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

534.                           I consider myself to be plain: Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

535.                           I consider myself to be theatrical:     Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

536.                           I consider myself to be stifled:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

537.                           I consider myself to be lost:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

538.                           I consider myself to be hurt:   Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

539.                           I consider myself to be hurtful:         Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

540.                         I consider myself to be tiresome:        Disagree 1[] 2[] 3[x] 4[] 5[] Agree

 

 

Your results are: TYPICAL.

 

 


 

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